Domestic Issues 2018 Edition

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

It's been a long time since I last wrote about my domestic issues.  Probably because it has been working out fine for a while.  It was just recently that I had issues again.  You know how transparent I am with my house help issues, so this one - I just want to get it off my chest.  So please bear with me.

I am cutting the post here, so I won't flood my page.  If you're interested to read more, by all means - click the Read More, but if not - no worries.  Hehehe..  It's quite a LONG read so be warned.  Hahaha!!

P.S. forgive my grammar and the drama.  I just need to let this out of my chest.

Around this time last year, I lost a helper - Yaya G.  She suddenly had to go home, she sort of broke down in front of me asking to go home because her grandmother passed away.  She was scheduled to leave for her annual vacation but had to leave earlier because of the death in the family.  I am not one to stop them, as long as the reason is valid - I let them go, but to be honest - what am I to do right?  I don't want to be the person to say *No* to them, so I let her go.  She told me that she would come back.  But after a week - she sent a text message that she won't be coming back.  The real reason?  Well, she was pregnant.  I have noticed something different with her weeks prior to her going home, but dismissed it.

So from that time she left until November last year - it was all Yaya B.  We had a few helpers come but they go in less than a month.  One was promising, but there was the issue of her *husband* I put marks on the *husband* because they're really not married.  She had trust issues with him and decided not to pursue working for me because she suspected that her *husband* was cheating on her while she was in my employ.

In November, Yaya B's niece - Lovely came to work for us.  I have noticed that all of Yaya B's nieces were very hardworking.  Plus being the aunt, she had this authority over them - they would listen to her of course.  The next few months were good - their work harmony was wonderful.  I am sure that Yaya B was sort of relieved being able to divide the housework.  I on the other hand was also felt more at ease because I had to help less around the house.  I was seriously impressed with Lovely - maybe because for a long while - it was all Yaya B.  Lovely helped ease the work around the house.  And since there was another help in the house - everything seemed *lighter*.

But around February, I noticed that Lovely was slacking off.  I noticed that Yaya B was doing most of the chores.  I would see Yaya B wash more dishes and would be shuffling here and there.  I confronted Yaya B and asked her about it, I told her that I noticed that she was doing more work - but she brushed it off telling me that she was washing the dishes because Lovely was doing the laundry and ironing.  I said to myself, well - if that's their set up - then *bahala na la*.  But more and more, I noticed Lovely slacking off - she would short cut things here and there and would not clean appropriately.  I noticed that our stash of Pine Sol cleaner would always run out unlike before.  So I asked her - she then admitted that she doesn't dilute the Pine Sol when she was cleaning the house.  She says - it's *not effective* when diluted.  This made me laugh so hard and declare to her that she's better that the company pala, because the directions on the bottle said to DILUTE the solution.  This apparently irked her very much.  I also caught her using laundry detergent in cleaning the bathroom.  I told her, why do I even buy toilet cleaners when she just uses laundry detergent?!  One by one, I saw the flaws - but kept them to myself.  Whenever I tell her off (nicely at that) she would give me a frown - it was so obvious because her pout was very telling.

One time, she cooked liempo using the turbo broiler.  And when I saw it on the dining table - it was badly burnt!  So I had to call her attention.  She just stood then looking at me with an arrogant stare telling me that she indeed cooked it.  I asked her, if she knew how to use the turbo broiler - she said *No*  I then asked her, if she was willing to eat the burnt food, again she said no.  Then I asked her - why did she even serve it to us?  It was after that statement that she finally looked apologetic and was apologizing.  I told her, had she been honest with us and told her she burnt the food - I would be more forgiving, but what she did was just serve it and see what happens next.  This just goes to show the kind of attitude she has.  Now, not only were we hungry - she wasted a number of liempo slices and it was heartbreaking.  I guess, they don't feel anything about it as they don't use their money to purchase it.  I hated that kind of thinking, but what was I to do right?  Just learn from it, I guess.

For the weeks that followed, I decided to just keep mum.  I was telling my friend Kath - why we endure these kinds of things.  Why we need to go through these things - well it's simple, we need their services.  But it's as if naman that they don't get anything out of their work right?  They have a roof over their heads, their tummies are filled and eat more than 3x a day.  I don't even look behind their shoulders and supervise their work - I let them be.  But how come despite being like that, they still slack off?  I guess, this is really the new work ethic of the new generation?

About a month ago, Lovely comes to me and asks if she can go home to vote (barangay elections), it just so happens that Yaya B has asked permission a month prior that she was going home to vote.  I usually allow Yaya B to go home because home is just a few hours away - Pampanga.  I knew for a fact too that she comes back when she says she will.  So when Lovely asked to go home, well - it was conflicting right? Who will be left at the house?  None.  She then tells me *Ang daya niyo naman*  How did I become unfair?  I was really annoyed.  I told her that when they have plans, to tell me IMMEDIATELY and not right there and then, we also have plans!  Do we just scrap out our plans to accommodate hers?  No way!  I remembered my SIL - Sasa telling me that her helpers usually make plans that coincide with their plans, so what she does now is to keep mum on her plans, kasi most of the time - it's her that adjusts for them.  Silly diba?  Lovely told me that when she came to my employ, she and her siblings agreed to go home on a certain date - that they've decided on this for a long time now.  I then retorted, had you told me once you came in, well I would not have booked a trip during that time - but she didn't, so why should I be bound to allow her to go home?  There was the very obvious pout again.  I was irked and told her off, that she doesn't have the right to come to me and demand anything, she can ask NICELY as anyone would and see what happens.  I have adjusted to helpers requests - especially when they're very nice.  I then gave her an option, she could go home right after we arrive from out trip and I would shoulder her one-way pamasahe.  I told her to think about it.  She did - because the morning after, she agreed.

So last Sunday, she was scheduled to leave.  She told me *maaga* but didn't specify a time.  I am usually a stickler for specifics, because I don't want to be hassled into the issue of what time is maaga?  But I knew there would be trouble.  So from Thursday to Saturday, I waited for her to tell me the exact time - but she didn't.  There was no effort from her at all.  I am not one to ask, I think I should not be asking anyway.

At 6:00am Sunday morning - I heard knocking on the door.  I knew it was her.  I would NEVER KNOCK at anyone's door that early unless it was an EMERGENCY.  But the knocking persisted.  And it persisted.  Good thing my Panget did not wake up, because if he did - all hell would break loose.  at 6:45 I came out.  She was smiling at me and said she needed to go, that I needed to check her stuff.  I asked her for the time - she looked at me blankly.  I asked her, in the months that she has been in my employ did I once come knocking at her door while she was sleeping or resting?  She said no.  I then asked her, why she was knocking at 6am.  She then said *Sinabi ko naman sa iyo na maaga ako aalis* To which I retorted *Ang maaga sa akin is 8am, hindi 6am*  She was now pouting which I really diskliked.  So I raised my voice to her and told her to WAIT for me.  That she was disrespecting me and my time.  I came back to my room and got her salary.

She then proceeded to show me her stuff and man were they a LOT.  I told her to stop because I am not one to check.  If they were to steal something, for sure they would have concealed it properly so why even bother?  If I lost something and they got it, then it's my fault and not theirs - because I didn't keep whatever stuff properly.  I've had this approach ever since.  I just tell them that if they steal or get something without permission that they're liable to God because he sees everything.  She was then asking me to still check - to which I told her to STOP as I didn't need to acting nor drama.  So she stopped.  When I gave her her salary, she started to cry.

Great, the waterworks - I then asked her why she was crying - (hindi tearing up ah, CRYING talaga!) she then said that she felt guilty because I have always been so nice to her.  My goodness if she felt guilty, then should be more responsible on performing her tasks and she would be more considerate of me!  It was crocodile tears if you ask me.  She then apologized again.

It was after Lovely left that I called Yaya B and spoke to her.  The first thing she said to me was *Ako po yung kumatok sa pinto niyo ng 6am*.  I was floored!  My heart broke.  I couldn't believe it.  I was stunned.  Yaya B has NEVER NEVER knocked on my door that early for ANYONE.  This made me realize that her loyalties were not with me, it was with her niece.  I couldn't believe it.  I was so emotional and told her that I felt betrayed by her.  Of all people to knock at my door it was her and not Lovely.  Why?  I asked her why and she said because her niece needed to still buy her ticket early.  It was as if the 5 years of goodness and top level behavior was pulled under me.  I literally felt like I was thrown under the bus.  I couldn't believe it.  I had to process it.  It was only after a while, that I realized no matter what happens - blood is thicker than water.  After all these years that I thought we were more than just employer-employee, well - I was wrong.

But you know what, this made me think.  What did Lovely have on Yaya B that Yaya B couldn't resist her?  It made me really wonder to be honest.  I mean for her to go out of her way just to please Lovely, it's really strange.

Then this morning, I said something to Yaya B to which she retorted *Sorry, tao lang nagkakamali* this irked me as she NEVER NEVER does that!  Instead, she always just says *Pasensya na po* so I pressed further on, what her problem was - then she broke down.  Crying telling me that she had a hard time with her niece, that she was doing most of the work in the house and that her neice almost never listens to her.  When I heard this, I almost wanted to tell her how stupid she was to still please her niece when in fact she was already having a hard time.  But I stopped myself.  I then told her, that despite her niece treating her that way - why was she still so loyal to her?  I asked her bakit may utang na loob ka pa sa kanya, to which she just remained silent.

I mean in all seriousness, if she was the one who was doing all the work - why even bother defend her niece to me?  Why even go out of her way to knock on my door to wake me up?  WHY DID SHE DO WHAT SHE DID?  It really puzzled me to extreme lengths.  And I can only come up with one answer - it's because she's kinda slow in the head.  I told her truthfully - if Lovely was already abusing her goodness, why did she remain loyal to Lovely and not to me?  I asked her if there were instances that I threw her under the bus?  She said no, I told her and she knew how much I defend her to other people.  Why not be loyal to me instead.  She was just silent.  You know, it hurt me really that despite all my goodness, concern and love to her and her children - it was still not enough to get to her good side.

She then told me that despite her reprimanding Lovely, Lovely still wouldn't listen to her, so she just let her be.  For me that was really really wrong.  Yaya B was being tolerant of Lovely.  I told her that I don't see Lovely's every move and so she should be my eyes and ears in the house - but she still chose to ignore and be complicit in the actions of her niece.  In the end, who was having a hard time?  Well, it was surely not me - it was her, all her.  What I can't understand is why she kept it to herself.  I told Yaya B, that had she told me of this, then I would have let Lovely go early - it wasn't worth her sacrifice.  And I told Yaya B - I'm the boss, I'm the one who gives her her salary, so for sure I have some sort of power over Yaya B - but as I said, she might be slow in the head that she doesn't understand it.

I remember observing before and telling Yaya B that it seems like she does most of the house work, to which Yaya B defended Lovely saying that Lovely knows what to do, she has read my rules and reminders over and over again.  To which I just told her, *Sige, ikaw bahala - sinasabi ko lang sayo yung napapansin ko*  And what I noticed were real - it wasn't my imagination - it was really happening, and Yaya B was allowing this to happen even if I told her already.

I had to remind her, that I am on her side ALL THE TIME.  That when she has a hard time with something around the house, she should come to me and I can help her.  I had to remind her of that simple simple thing.  I felt so heartbroken that despite her being with me for 5 years, this niece of hers would instantaneously change her mind about me.  She really wasn't like this before her niece came.  Which made me think - is she that easy to brainwash?

I know it's just a domestic issue - but for me it went beyond that.  Because for so many years, she was fiercely loyal to me and my family.  But just because of this niece, well - all of those were gone in an instant.

Thanks for reading.

I'm doing okay naman, it's just that I can't help but think - anong merong hawak si Lovely over Yaya B that Yaya B can't resist her being lazy.  Yaya B even justifies Lovely's being a bit lazy and slow.  I really don't get it.  To what point?  I mean, really - anong nabebenefit niya kay Lovely if in truth, it's her that does the bulk of Lovely's work.  Strange diba?  Blood is thicker than water is not acceptable e, I mean it's not a logical reason.  I'm really baffled.  But I've learned to just let it go.  Lesson learned.  I also told Yaya B na in all of this, there is only one person she can go to, to help her and that is me.  Madali palang makalimot ng kabaitan namin ni Panget to her.  It's just sad really.  I can't believe this happened.  But as I said, lesson learned.

So now, I'm looking for house help.  Yaya B is still with me, I still love her pero disappointed lang ako with her.  But what can I expect right?  I was wrong to expect naman, so lesson learned for me too.  I just hope she learns her lesson.  That people can take advantage of her.  I swear if you hear her defend Lovely, iba talaga.  She won't do this for Yaya G., never talaga.


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