Domestic Violence & Abuse against Women

Monday, June 06, 2016

When you say Domestic Violence and Abuse the first thing that comes in mind is when a husband beats up a wife.  Through the years of being married, I realized it's not the only way that *abuse & violence* happens in a marriage.  There's verbal abuse, emotional & psychological abuse, economic abuse, sexual abuse and a whole lot more.  Apparently, its not confined to just physical abuse.

I personally know of two people who are victims of domestic violence & abuse.  And one thing I learned from them is that they didn't think people would believe them when they said their were victims of domestic violence and abuse.  They didn't know where to go, who to speak to or if people around them would believe them.  I felt really sad and bad because why would people not believe them?  They both told me it was because their husbands do not look the part of an abusive husband.  Are we all confined to what looks normal and abnormal to gauge if a person has the tendency or capability of abuse?  I hope that we have not - but in reality, it's true.  We base our judgements on the looks - do they look normal or harmless?  Well, in short - I realized one can pretend.  I mean come on, why would you want people to know and see a person's violent tendecies, diba?

Okay - being married for almost 7 years taught me not to judge married couples.  Each couple has their own problems.  Obviously, we don't air our dirty laundry in public, but what I learned is that what we see is not what usually is the real situation.  Some married couples are very good in *pretending*, but when they're alone in the privacy of their own homes - that's where the truth exists.
Most of us are usually hands off saying *Problemang mag-asawa yan / It's a domestic issue* and that we're not supposed to meddle.  I want to know - how and when do we draw the line?  I know we SHOULD draw the line, but how and when?

I remember being told to run as fast as I can when a partner starts hitting you.  That's what the mind knows and says.  But what does the heart say?  The heart says to forgive them when they say they're sorry.  But if happens again - and you forgive them again.  The cycle is endless and I feel that it has to end.  But it's not as easy as it sounds.  Doing it entails a lot of thinking, courage, physical strength and determination.  There are so many considerations - if there are kids, well - that decision will be harder.

If you're a victim the first thing you need to know is that - IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.  The next thing you do is to keep track or record every abuse that happens to you.  I know it's morbid, but friends say this helps a lot when you file a case against your partner.  Take pictures of your injuries (with dates), keep track of everything, collect proof - more so, go to the ER and get a Medico Legal look at you.  I don't know if there is any truth to this - but please correct me if I'm wrong - I was told that when a Medico Legal looks at you and determines the injuries, you have 24 hours to file a case or else it goes down the drain.  (I honestly find it silly)

I was also told that the law *Violence against women and children* is quite difficult to prove and takes a loooong time to move forward.  Why?  Why make it hard?  Maybe because we still belong to a very male dominated country?


I suddenly thought to write this, I don't know why.  I guess all the sexual innuendos of the incoming president has somehow irked me.  I know he's that type of person, but as a president-elect, he should act like one.  He should be careful with his words - I cannot emphasize enough the cliche THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK because he really should.  I am all for supporting him BUT in the correct way possible.  I am not one to judge but I can't help it with him just spewing words without thinking of the consequences.  I guess, I expected some sort of etiquette from a president-elect, some finesse maybe.  But yes, he is far from being proper - but I'm hoping that he'll be more than that.  Show a bit more class and elegance, not just crass and machismo.  So far, I am disappointed with his decisions - especially siding with the Marcoses.  I can only shake my head in disbelief that he is willing to bury him in the Libingan ng mga Bayani despite using the country's funds as is personal bank account.  #NeverAgain

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