Yaya Diaries: The Yaya Bully

Monday, March 30, 2015

OMG another domestic help issue.

Almost two months ago, Kailee's Yaya Ga went home.  A week after the new year, she told me that she wanted to go home, and that she won't be coming back.  She says that her back hurts and that she feels that her asthma is recurring.  First of all, I never knew she had asthma - had I known, I would have had her checked and given her medication.  So anyway, I told her that I can let her go it I found a replacement.  )I still had her go to our suking manghihilot of her back - I wanted to help her somehow)  And so we looked.  Luckily more than a month ago, I found a replacement.

Obviously, there is an adjustment stage - where the new yaya will get to know other helpers around.  There's my mom's helpers that she had to interact with, the yayas of my nieces and nephews and also the yayas of my friend's children.  I had to warn this new yaya that she should be careful with the other helpers & yayas because some may become envious of her, I told her to be civil yet diplomatic, not to be very chatty too.  So far, she has followed my instructions and I'm quite happy and satisfied with her.  Well, she's not perfect BUT she's okay.  What I like about her is that she likes to read with Kailee, she also teaches Kailee how to write.  She also indulges Kailee in conversation.  There are times that she doesn't listen to instructions or times that she's *bangag* but overall - I'm satisfied with her.

Remember about the Yaya politics that I wrote here?  Well, now - I'm writing about the Yaya Bully!  Yes, apparently there is a Yaya Bully!  She's usually the longest employed helper in the household.  You see, in my mom's house - we have a helper that has been with us for 17 years, let's call her Yaya Maya.  She came in just as I was about to graduate high school and she is still with my mom.  Well, she's not perfect - but she's okay.  I remember when she started, she was really nice - but as the years passed, you'd notice that she'd get very moody or irritated.  She'd have this frown and will not be shy to show to us that she's irritated.  But in the 17 years, she has been very good to us.  I love her dearly, because she loves Kailee and Connor.  She actually takes care of them when I have a yaya shortage.  So I love her dearly and I am so thankful to her.

But you see, with us - she's okay.  Well, she has her moods and we let her be.  We keep one eye shut and just let go of things.  My mom and I realized that you have been working the same job and doing the same routine for years - it might be *nakakasawa* already.  So we let her be.

One thing I noticed with her though, is that she knows when to stand her ground and when to suck up and make lambing.  Remember Yaya Donna?   Yaya Maya was one of her minions.  Yaya Donna owned Yaya Maya - everything that Yaya Donna wanted, Yaya Maya gave (sharing responsibility caring for Kailee - feeding and putting to sleep).  Whatever Yaya Donna likes - Yaya Maya also liked!  Hahahaha..  It was quite funny because Yaya Donna had Yaya Maya eating out of the palm of her hand.

Then Yaya Donna left.

And my helper who cleaned and cooked took over the yaya job.  It was then that I saw how much of a controller Yaya Maya was.  Since Yaya Maya knew of Kailee's whims - she would always criticize Yaya Ga.  But she never did it infront of me.  Yaya Belen would tell me how Yaya Maya would speak to them with a loud voice and demand they do things they way it was done before.  For Yaya Maya - it was quite baffling that the current yayas wouldn't couldn't adapt right away.  She wasn't the most patient I guess.  So I told my yayas just to not mind her, let her be because she's like that.  She has maintain her place in the household ranking - she needs to exert her position and let the others know who is the boss in the helper ranking.  For years we let her be.

One morning two or three weeks ago - well, my new Yaya comes running to me with tears in her eyes.  She tells me that she wants to go home because she can't take the *pakikisama* anymore with Yaya Maya.  This prompted me to ask her what happened.  Kailee wanted to go down, but the new yaya wanted Kailee to wait a few more minutes.  But then Kailee starts pulling on the lever door knob.  The new yaya had her feet on the stop to stop Kailee from getting out of the room.  Kailee was heavily pulling the lever of the door knob.  We can all guess Yaya Maya heard the commotion and then with a loud voice tells the new yaya to open the door and not to keep Kailee inside the room.  When the new yaya explained to Yaya Maya that she wanted Kailee to wait a few more minutes - Yaya Maya berates her and tells her that if the door knob gets broken, she will be the one to blame and not the yaya.  This new yaya unable to control her emotions, cried and had the courage to tell me.  She says that this isn't the first time that Yaya Maya has been like that to her.  And I wasn't surprised.  A few days ago, this new yaya broke a plug because she tugged on the cord instead of holding and pulling the cord.  So when the new yaya was trying to fix what she broke, Yaya Maya declared that she was doing something worse!  Yaya Maya then brings the plug to my mom to get fixed.  My mom calls my attention on it but I wanted to get the real story.  The new yaya told me what happened that while she was trying to fix what she broke, Yaya Maya snatched the plug away from her and was reprimanding her.

I have always believed that words are powerful, and that the delivery of words is important too.  So I just told the new yaya to extend her patience with Yaya Maya.  That she's very confrontational because she wants to maintain her ranking.  But I guess this incident was the last straw for the new yaya.  So while pacifying the new yaya, Kailee and Yaya Maya comes down.  I look at Yaya Maya and ask her *Ano ba ang nangyari* without batting an eyelash she tells me that the new yaya locked the door of the room and refuses to let Kailee out of the room!  Since Kailee was there, I asked Kailee if her new yaya locked the door Kailee said *No, she was blocking the door lang*  See?  She then tells me with a loud irritated voice that she wasn't doing anything wrong.  That she was just concerned.  I told her that I appreciate her concern but she also needs time to for the new yayas to adjust - plus each person's style is different.  She then tells me *Dapat kung may problema siya sa akin, sa akin siya lumapit at hindi nagsumbong sa iyo kaagad!*  oh my, there are more kids in the household.  She was honestly being immature about it.  She couldn't accept that what she did merited this situation - had she spoken nicely with a calm tone, this could have been avoided.  But it didn't stope there - she was still unhappy.  She kept on saying that people should get used to her having a loud voice and is easily irritated - I countered her with a what if - what if I speak to her in the same manner that she does?  Would she be accepting?  She said no.  Exactly.

After all the talk - things ended on a better note.  But relationships have been strained.  We all have to live with that.

So, do you also have a Yaya Bully??


  1. hay! if only not for the children, yung mga ganyan na helpers are bearable.. But I'm also wary that these kind of personalities may be a source of our children's personalities too.. Nakaka worry talaga...

  2. Sa amin naman it was different. The helpers in the house get along very well, and then I hired a yaya. The yaya was the eldest of our helpers and started bragging about her salary, her past jobs, and her young boyfriend (she's already a grandmother and her boyfriend was really just a BOY in his twenties!). The helpers were scared of her and didn't like her very much. A month after I had to let her go because she wouldn't listen to my instructions on how I wanted my daughter to be taken care of (e.g. don't bring her to the back of the house, don't listen to music when you're supposed to be taking care of my daughter, etc.) and I couldn't take it anymore. No one liked her in the house anyway, why would I let her stay?