Honesty, friendships and help...

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Warning!  EMO and BRUTALLY honest post ahead...
(Hormones typing and talking..)

I haven't done this is a very long time - an EMO post.  So here goes nothing! 

Don't click the READ MORE button if you don't like to read an EMO post!
Don't say, I didn't warn you!!

Last Friday, I couldn't get over something I received from a friend.  We've been friends for a while, we're actually not close - but you know those kinds of friendships that you maintain.  It doesn't mean that if you're not close - you're not friends.  I'm sure we've shared a few dozen memories together but we're good - we're okay, we're friends.  Or so, I thought we were.

You see, for me - if you're really good friends.  You call out on one another's shortcomings - no offense should be taken.  Well, that's the case for me.  Be brutally honest, call me out if you feel I have done something wrong.  And by calling me out - I won't get hurt.  To those who know me, I have an opinion about everything.  There are times that I go with the flow, but most of the time - I like to have a plan layed out in front of me.  I guess I'm like that because I'd like to be prepared, in case of something - I'll have a back up plan.  I am most uneasy when people say 'Bahala na' or 'Let's see nalang', those words doesn't sit well with me.  I get bothered, strange noh?

So this thing happened, I was honest enough to comment that I wasn't satisfied with what happened last year - especially the food.  I have this thing with food, that you need to get what you pay for.  For example, the Yabu craze.  (Yabu fans, please don't kill me!)  I ate there twice, because I was bit by their marketing bug.  My first time was with my inlaws and since they paid, I had no right to complain.  My second time, well - since we paid, I didn't think the food was worth what we paid for.  You spend a good P500.00 per person per meal, well that is if you get their top of the line tonkatsu right?  (I'm sure you'll say why get that, when there are cheaper alternatives.. Yes, I hear you) but of course, you'd want to eat - the best that they have to offer.  So, to be honest - I found Yabu's food overrated.  Kill me know, Yabu fans!  But seriously, I do - I mean, its breaded porkchop!  I'm sure there are other places that serves better tasting breaded porkchop for a lower price.  But the thing is - when you're in Yabu, you pay for the dining experience - right?  And I accept that.  But you see, even if I feel that its overrated - I'm sure I'll eat there again.  That's how effective their marketing is.  Hahaha!!  Ironic, noh?

Going back, I commented that this year, I wanted to get our money's worth.  And this friend, got hurt because she was the one who hosted last year.  Thing is - yes, she hosted and decided on which place to order food from - but who picked out the menu?  IT WAS ME!!  Yes, it was me!  I did not call her out personally, I merely said that the food wasn't as great and for the price that we paid - well, it wasn't worth it.  And she got offended.  Even if I didn't mean to offend her, I did.  I immediately apologized, because that's how I am.  I could have chosen to argue and defend myself but I didn't.  (Well, I apologized and explained)  But if she got offended, well - I was offended too, but on a different level.  The level where friendships are concerned.  I thought that for the years that we knew each other, she knew that offending her wasn't what I mean.  That I wasn't comparing or anything.  I was merely stating a fact.  If there was some fault anywhere - it was the quality of food that was served us.  Nothing more and nothing less.

This made me realize, that if she got hurt - then I would also have the right to get hurt.  But since hers was in black and white, and mine was about friendship - I lose, hands down.  I just didn't like the fact that my being honest - didn't sit well.  If you can't be honest with your friends, then who will right?  That was the thought that was running in my head.  I was honestly angry too, but then I realized - what I learned in high school, that EVERYTHING IS RELATIVE.  What may be true to you, may not be to me.  And when I accepted that fact - I calmed a bit.  I can't change anyone's views on me but I can change my views on them and the situation.  Fair enough?  Fair enough.

Then yesterday - another issue about friendship, this time with a different friend.

How do you gauge helping?  Do you have a tally sheet?  Should it be quid pro quo?  Because I was raised to help (friends) - no matter how many times.  As long as you can do it, go ahead!  But I guess for others, if they helped you once - then, that's already enough. 

I just find it ironic that when I asked for her help a second time, she retorted that she had already helped me.  It was something like quid pro quo for her.  And she called me on my help to her, it seemed like she was short (not sort) of saying 'I should give what you have given, no more no less' And after that - she asks me for favors.  I find it odd, really really odd.  I don't know tuloy, if there's something wrong with me or what.  But is this the vibe that I get?  You give me this much and I should give you more?  Maybe I should start taking tit for tat.  Don't you think?

Life is indeed unfair - but I think we should do our part to make it fair, for ourselves and for everyone.  So I will be THE better person and STILL help that friend out.  Because that is how I am, that is how I was raised to be.  To still do good and help (even if your pleas were ignored before) - to still help when you can.  So, ABUSE me and take advantage of me. 

I just feel bad.  Sorry, for the emo post.

So for those friends who have helped me SO MANY MANY TIMES.  THANK YOU and I appreciate you.  Very very very much.

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