Love and Hate (and some other things...)

Friday, July 10, 2009

Two of the most contradicting of words.

Why do they always go together?

Why are they exact opposites?

You see, I love my mom, my twin, my Panget, my friends and some other people so much but sometimes - I want to wring all their necks till they turn blue!

I wonder - why does one ever feel the hate and anger towards people they love?

Isn't it ironic?

Now that I'm nearing my big day.. Emotions are high, I've become easily irritable. I snap at the littlest of things. I feel the pressure. What then was not discussed is now being discussed. What was deemed simple then is now the most complicated!

There are times that I feel that - this is not my big day. Almost everyone has an opinion on something. Things that should be done by others are often times dumped into my lap - and I am expected to give a solution or a reply or even a decision, but take note! That decision will soon be overturned - so why in the effing first place ask me about it, right? There are moments that I feel suffocated - times that I feel like I'm drowning with something I can't explain - that I need to jump for air! There are times when I think - is this all going to be worth it? Sigh..

I feel like I'm on an unending rollercoaster, going up and down - twisting and turning every so often without taking a break. Do you sometimes feel like puking with the pressure of emotions? Hahaha!! I never thought I'd get to this point, really. I always thought that planning a wedding was a breeze and that the journey was a happy enjoyable one. At this point, when people ask me how my planning is coming along - I try not to burst into tears - give out a Kodak smile and say that its getting there.

I also realized that people aren't that helpful (or bright even!) That I have to ask for help for it to come. That there is really a difference between peoples.

The journey is about to end. I've found new friends, made new realizations, accepted many situations, sought a blind eye, pretended not to hear or know, ignored comments and tactless gestures.

Question is... Will there ever be an end to this?

P.S. Sorry for the post, I just needed to get it all out. I needed a release! It's been building up inside and I'm afraid to breakdown. But I feel I may have to, just to get this all out.

I miss blogging.. Hahaha!! (what an ender... toink!)

4 comments :

  1. I wanna give you a hug Di. {{Didi}}

    That's all I can do. ;)

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  2. You'll be okay...hang in there!

    your tokayo,
    Candice

    ReplyDelete
  3. @Mindy - I will ask for that hug on the big day!!

    @Anonymous - Tukayo! Thanks ah!!

    @frannywanny - I NEED a hug badly!! Serious hug and not the virtual one ah!!

    ReplyDelete