Doubts and Fears

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Yesterday afternoon, I accompanied my Panget's SIL (Sis-in Law) and cutie niece to Landmark to buy a few things. Ellie, my Panget's niece is the most mabait 2 year old that I have ever met! She doesn't throw tantrums, she listens to what we say and most of all, she knows how to compromise!! :) She doesn't run around the mall, she just follows us around - although there are moments where she goes astray - like wanting to ride the escalator! and sitting on a huge palanggana and watching people do their normal shopping and looking around - but overall, she's such a sweetheart to watch over, no complaints!

When we got home to SIL's house - I saw how she took care of her 2 kids, and I thought to myself - in a few years, I will be like her! But I'm honestly afraid, SIL is one of the most considerate, most caring, most loving people I know and me? Well, I honestly think I am sorta selfish - although I have a good heart, I don't know - there are doubts, doubts that say 'Can I be like this and that? Can I sacrifice for this and that? I don't know!! Doubts and fears slowly creeping back in!!

I am amazed on how she manages to share her time with her kids, husband and family! To think that its only been a week since they came back from the US (she gave birth there) - she's somehow adjusted. I ask myself - can I do the same? I really don't know. I even had this thought while we were chaging Krissy (the newest addition to their family - she's turning a month old on the 30th) that I am NOT ready to be a mother anytime soon! I think I will have crying spells in case people pressure(parinig parinig!!) me to have kids soon! I don't know if I will ever be ready - waaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

As they say - one step at a time...
(it took me THIS long to take this huge leap.. dahan dahan lang!)

No double stepping please! I repeat - NO double stepping!!

3 comments :

  1. If you start asking yourself these questions, there's no doubt in my mind you'd make a good mom.

    Kasi ngayon pa nga lang you worry about what you'd be like and if you can do it...meaning, you are already challenging yourself. :)

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  2. I agree with Mindy dear. Being that concerned this early is good.

    It's just an anxiety that's making you jittery. The love of your mom for you will be the same if not more love you are going to give your kid.

    and YES, that's still a bit of a long shot for now. Get through the wedding first. and PLEASE, no pressure from friends or family or society that after a wedding, within 2 years, you should be preggers. Enjoy your honeymoon stage and when things are meant to be, it will unfold...

    Love,
    Jane
    BETWEEN BITES
    http://www.janedchua.com

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  3. hi. you have a nice blog. I am also sure that you will be a great mom and wife someday as you are already contemplating about that this early.

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