Unconditional Love..

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

I was raised Catholic, went to a Catholic all-girls school, and attended a Catholic University (I think?) Having said that - since it's the Holy Week, I guess this particular entry is timely - for me that is!! :)

Just yesterday afternoon, I had a misunderstanding with her. She called me a few times on my mobile with a raised voice asking me questions. It's quite a norm already but I can't seem to make myself numb to it. Anyways, when I got back to the office - it was when it all started.

Acutally, I think it was nearing 10pm that I realized how much she loves me, that despite my shortcomings, imperfections and mistakes - she loves me still. And there is no question on how much, because she just does! I never thought I'd be witness to a thing such as 'unconditional love' - a love that is willing to see passed mistakes, a love that forgives and hopes for the best, a love that will forever be there for you when everyone is not.

Come to think of it - this epiphany is so timely - since it's the Holy Week - I suddenly realized that like Jesus - who died for us - loves us unconditionally despite our continous effort to sin and be away from Him. This is such a big thing to say for me as I am not a devout Catholic. I now realize that there are people, beings out there who love me unconditionally - and she is one of them. After realizing this - I filled up with guilt - yes, guilt - and regret. How dare I think of her badly? How dare I question her love for me? How dare I feel anger towards her? How dare I dare feel these things?

Now that I've realized it, I regret not having to spend quality time with her. I regret every moment that I turned her down for an invitation to go out of town. I regret being angry at her. I regret raising my voice at her. I regret not following her. I regret everything negative thought I had of her. I regret not showing her how much I appreciate her and love her, of how proud I am that she is so strong, how I appreciate that she stuck it through every bump, how I truly love her.

I hate the feeling of being unappreciated - I've just come to realize that on my part - I choose the things I do to be appreciated - while she, she doesn't - she just does everything without expecting to be appreciated. That's unconditional love. That's what I have. A person who loves me unconditionally. I am so lucky to have her. Yes - so lucky!

It's just so sad to have realized this just now - I'm such a nincompoop! Argh!!!! But this, this changes everything. This has changed me - to someone who will appreciate and love her more. She deserves it! After all - she gave me life!

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